The Messy Magic of Becoming
Two years of big shifts, identity unfurling, and taking the leap into full-time art
Are you there, ether? It’s me, Zoryana. It feels a bit silly writing this first post knowing my only subscriber is my partner—hi Jon, thank you for being the inaugural member of this journey (p.s. I subscribed you to my Substack). But it also feels fitting. Most of the things I create start in quiet spaces—usually around 2 a.m., when the world is asleep and I finally feel able to unleash some of the energy, feelings, and ideas that have been buzzing all day in my head and body.
When life as I knew it stopped making sense
Welcome to the House of Mess and Magic—a home for my next chapter as I leap into full-time art and chase a tattoo apprenticeship. Why now? Because the past two years have been a whirlwind: beautiful, disorienting, clarifying, chaotic in all the best and worst ways, and ultimately, utterly life-shifting.
Somewhere between burnout cycles, late-night identity spirals, and the kind of self-reflection you can only do when life stops making sense in its current form, I started realizing how much of myself I had never fully met.
Meeting the parts of myself that brought the world back into focus
First came a late ADHD diagnosis—suddenly seeing myself, my creativity, patterns, “quirks,” and inner world through a new lens. It was both grounding and mind-blowing. Like someone took a blurry photograph of my brain and finally focused it. A lot of things made sense. A lot of things hurt. A lot of things healed.
Then there was the unfolding of my queer and nonbinary identity—something that didn’t arrive all at once, but continues to slowly bloom the more I tune into myself and find belonging in queer community through roller derby and art. It has felt like discovering hidden rooms in a house I’d been living in my whole life. Rooms full of colour and memory and possibility. Rooms where I feel I can finally breathe.
It sometimes used to feel like Zoryana was a costume—a role I stepped into, then recoiled from, second-guessing every interaction or trying to make sense of the detached ache that came from truths I’d kept folded inside. These past two years have been about stepping more fully into myself—and shedding the scripts I’d been handed or written, shaped to fit expectations, structures, or narratives that were never meant for me.
And that’s what made the leap from my 9–5 into full-time art feel less like a reckless jump and more like… coming home.
Building a home for every part of myself
Art has always been how I process everything: the big feelings, the cultural threads, the grief, the joy, the weirdness, the identity shifts, the “wait, am I actually allowed to choose this life?” moments. So it feels right that this blog, alongside my Substack, becomes the place where I document this chapter—a messy, magical record of becoming while building the life I want.
I want this to be a space where nothing gets filtered—where the silly pun, the wild idea, or the over-the-top exclamation points all get to live. Here, I’ll untangle the swarm of art inspiration buzzing in my brain, dive into thoughts on identity and ADHD, and give you a peek at the chaos behind the scenes—half-finished projects, hyperfixation rabbit holes, and everything in between. I can also promise a healthy dose of pet photos!
Meet my supervisors: Chuck (dog) and Duncan (cat)
Sometimes it’ll be soft.
Sometimes it’ll be silly.
Always, it’ll be honest.
From my little corner to yours
If you’re reading this (hi future maybe-subscribers), I’m glad you’re here. Even if it’s just me and Jon for a while, this space feels important—a way to mark the shifts, the little discoveries, the big transformations, and all the colour in between.
So welcome to the next chapter.
Welcome to the whirlwind and the wonder.
Welcome to the messy magic of beginning again.
Thanks for being here, friend. It means the absolute world. Now grab a snack, buckle up, and let’s see where this adventure takes us!
—Zoryana
A photo that feels like it captures the energy I’m bringing into this next chapter: my dear friend Jo shaving my head on their farm this past summer while we belted “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” from Mulan (aka the day I met my ‘they’… side note, I’m very tickled that rhymes!). Photo by Jon Laurie-Beaumont.